January 2010
49 posts
I might be spending the summer in Egypt.
Details are still up in the air, but I’m super stoked.
http://www.freeweb.hu/tchl/salinger/ →
Rest in peace, J.D Salinger.
Heidi: Dude. Jimmy Stewart and Nicholas Cage have the same voice. And the same facial expressions.
Me: No! Don't do that to me. I hate Nicholas Cage and I love Jimmy Stewart and in NO way do I want them associated with one another.
Heidi: I hate Nicholas Cage AND Jimmy Stewart!
Me: How in the world can you hate Jimmy Stewart?!
Heidi: Because he sounds like Nicholas Cage!
Me: Don't do this to me! I don't want Jimmy Stewart associated with Nicholas Cage in any way in my head.
Heidi: Fine!...........................................................................But you know you believe me.
Heidi: Mike doesn't love me. I sent him a text that says, 'I'm still studying, love you,' and he didn't respond.
Me: Wasn't that only ten minutes ago?
Heidi: AT LEAST!
Heidi and I are smelling each other’s hair.
Cat Massacres?
MEOW.
My hot chocolate tastes like grass.
In other news, the waitresses are smacking each other with towels. Scratch that. Now they’re playing “slaps.” The one that resembles a hamster just won.
I spotted an endangered species tonight: the hipster who talks like a hick. They are a rare breed indeed: the ever-elusive “hickster.”
A paper needs to be written on...
Turkey-Apple-Walnut-Feta Salad with Raspberry Vinaigrette dressing.
Um, yum.
Obama and Tickets
Got my first speeding ticket today. Ever.
Was I speeding? Maybe. However, I was in the MIDDLE of traffic. This means that there were several cars in front of me, beside me, and behind me. So why was I singled out?
Perhaps it had something to do with the Obama sticker on my car, and the McCain/Palin and Bush/Cheney stickers on the cop’s clipboard. I don’t know, I’m just...
WHY IS THIS FILTER SO FLIPPIN’ LOUD?? IT’S CALLED A WHISPER FILTER! COME ON! ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE ABLE TO SLEEP IN MY ROOM WHILST HAVING A GIGANTIC FISH TANK IN IT!
Wherever I end up living in my life, I must be able to hear seagulls.
After a night with my new 30 gallon monstro tank, I really like it.
Today I’m going to find a new light so my fish won’t have the bowling-alley blue tinge that accompanies really harsh fluorescent lighting. After that, I’m going to return my OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD filter and get a different QUIET one. Then, it shall be perfect.
Only the best for my little fishies.
Fish Houses
I finally set up my old 30 gallon tank for my fishies. The goldfish are just getting too big and can’t fit in the 5 gallon with all of Kyle’s fish, so I put them all in the gigantoid tank.
Heidi and I spent all evening setting it up (I LOVE YOU, HEIDI!!).
But here’s the thing: it’s flippin’ huge. And I mostly hate change, so right now I’m having a minor panic...
I have a new African Dwarf Frog. His name is Birdo. I chose him because when the fish expert in Petsmart lifted up the little log decoration in the frog tank so I could see them all, he darted right into a fake plant and got stuck.
What a Birdo.
Now Jacques has a little friend to keep him company.
To welcome him home, Heidi and I thoroughly cleaned my fish tank. I’m talking inside and...
I never thought I’d see the day when my professor bought me a beer.
Dad
My Dad retired from the Coast Guard in 2004. A few years later he returned to his former position (specializing in port safety), this time as a civilian.
I dropped him off at the airport today. He’s flying to Norfolk Virginia, where he’ll be for several weeks helping to plan the reconstruction and mobilization of Haiti’s main port so it can receive aide cargo.
I told him how...
....
“Coded references to New Testament Bible passages about Jesus Christ are inscribed on high-powered rifle sights provided to the U.S. military by a Michigan company, an ABC News investigation has found.
The sights are used by U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan and in the training of Iraqi and Afghan soldiers. The maker of the sights, Trijicon, has a $660 million multi-year contract to...
Numbers
GDP of Haiti: $8.5 billion.
Goldman Sachs bonus pool: $20 billion.
Shut up, Dominos. You know your “new pizza” wasn’t “50 years in the making.” You know you goofed off for the last 49 years and 11 months, then put some shit in your sauce and slapped some garlic butter on your crust. AND your pizza still tastes like crap.
“Dude. Who read this and made snuggies?”
– Heidi, on The Lorax
Cartwheels with Heidi at midnight on a foggy, weather-beaten beach with gigantic waves and endless sands.
These are the things that make life wonderful.
GENTLEMEN
If you are riding in an elevator with a girl who is clearly struggling to hold on to 17 books, for the love of God help her instead of looking at her stupidly and saying, “Wow. That sure is a lot of books you’ve got there.”
ANGELS
Snow flakes sparkle orange under
Central Baltimore's street lamps
and tonight I sit on porch steps
with a drummer who can play
an entire set one - handedly while
drinking a beer with the other I
suppose some things are worth
sacrificing for others like timing
or rhythm for alcohol Snow Angels
appear in the street at four
in the morning and I survey my
work with ...
“Sometimes I can’t watch it when I’m doing my push-ups because it...”
– Dad, on the hilarity of Family Guy
Helping Kyle Find a Coat for China at the Town...
Me: Couples should never, never, never, never, never, never, NEVER ever wear matching Ed Hardy apparel.
Kyle: Yeah, I don't know if I believed her tan all that much either.
Fish and Pens
So my little spotted corey catfish (Nikolai, Fyodor, and Anton) have figured out how to stash food in their little faux log hideout. Smart little boogers.
Also, Barnum (the carney goldfish) wouldn’t stop chasing Frank and was consequently placed in fish time-out, meaning he was put back in his bowl to think about what he did.
Actually, I read that aggressive fish should be separated from...
Little Gidding (III)
There are three conditions which often look alike Yet differ completely, flourish in the same hedgerow: Attachment to self and to things and to persons, detachment From self and from things and from persons; and, growing between them, indifference Which resembles the others as death resembles life, Being between two lives—unflowering, between The live and the dead nettle. This is the use of...
“And where the hell did that chick come from? I mean, Ariel washed up from...”
– Lizzy, on The Little Mermaid. (via heidsterb)
Talking Fish with Heidi
Lizzy: You know, I was thinking about how Frank is changing colors, and it makes me kind of sad.
Heidi: Why?
Lizzy: Well, because I think about him living in his tiny mason jar in the library and how when we rescued him he was a pale, tiny little thing and now he's big and changing colors, and I just think if we hadn't saved him he never would have changed colors and become the fish he was meant to be. He never would have been able to realize his full potential.
Heidi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lizzy: It makes me kind of sad. Don't you think that's kind of sad?
Heidi: Yeah, no, that is sad. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
“It’s almost “Miami Dead”.”
– Logan, on the Golden Girls being nicknamed Miami Nice by critics.
“What? A Promise ring? Are you two? Either get engaged or don’t.”
– Heidi, on promise rings.
Tis always a lovely thing to find out all of your ex-boyfriends are engaged to the girls they dated immediately after you.
Thank God for books?
